Because I'm young

I am typing these lines on an evening when Hanoi is entering summer. My first year at the University, which is more than 1,700 km away from home, is about to end. Sitting to organize my belongings, I suddenly see that some of the things I brought with me when I first started school, which I cherished and kept, are now scattered in the corner of the closet. I realize that a year has passed so quickly.

A year of new things, in just one year I have experienced so much. Two semesters have passed, leaving behind a bit of disappointment with the illusions of the “paradise” university life that people often talk about. A bit tired, a bit bored, a bit regretful and many times of hesitation.

I received a lot of advice, encouragement and comfort. Everyone told me that it was good to have a lot of experience, that everyone was like that, that I would get used to it, that I was still young.

Yes, I am young.

It seems that youth is always something very beautiful, very wonderful. Because the people who came before often mention it with a nostalgic and emotional look. How many people have been and are still writing about youth every day, praising youth. Some people say that youth is the years of high school, some people argue that if you are still in school, you are still in "youth", including university, and some people say that youth is when you are not married. Many other opinions talk about youth, thinking that youth is not a time category but rather about emotions or comparing youth with countless memories when falling in love and loving with all your heart. I still remember the joke of my classmates: "Thanh Xuan is just a district of Hanoi and Tuoi Tre is just the name of a newspaper", I always laugh at this saying.

People call youth as “youth”, because spring is the most beautiful season of the year, the beginning of everything, green is the freshest color on the palette. It is not by chance that people always praise youth with the most beautiful and wonderful words and images. No dictionary can clearly explain the meaning of the word “youth” with just a few repeated definitions, nor can anything say between the arguments, who is right and who is wrong.

Youth. That is the time when you are considered to be an adult after a process called "childhood" even though you are still quite young. That is the age that has all the elements to help you courageously dream and make it happen. You use your energy and vitality to pursue your childhood wishes, accumulate experience for your adult life, not worry about failure, not be afraid of difficulties, not be afraid of confrontation. Only youth can bring us the most wonderful, freshest feelings. Only youth is most suitable for everything, it is the time when human health reaches its most resilient level, when the spirit becomes most enthusiastic. I have read the reflections of people who have gone before, they do not regret the things they have done, they regret the things they have not done.“If only I were young again, I would…”, “If only I could turn back time”, “If only…”, “If only I didn’t have to say “if only”.Some people regret letting opportunities slip away, regret words of love left unsaid, others regret wasting time on useless things, others regret days passing by so quickly without having time to do anything.

People use their youth for many different purposes. Some focus on studying, working, perfecting their lives, waiting for the day they hold a bright red diploma or a CV full of experience and achievements. Others pursue their passion bit by bit, do what they love, and fulfill their dreams. Some always contribute to society, helping others. Others use their youth to love, care for, and pursue the person they love. Everyone has their own reasons to protect their youth, even when some people praise, some laugh, and no one cares anymore, once that is what they want to do.

But somewhere there are still some people standing there, bewildered, watching the hustle and bustle of life, watching young people struggling on the road of life, looking back at themselves, looking back at the days that have passed, showing themselves to hate life, to hate their own safe shell. Sometimes they are wavering between the gaps in their thoughts, and sometimes they are lost in a myriad of worries.

I used to spend long days just doing predetermined things, waking up every morning, going to school until noon, doing some chores, reading some nonsense articles online, eating and sleeping. That was my life. Since childhood, each of us has been busy chasing goals. After finishing primary school, we will try to go to secondary school, then finish high school, try to get into university, then graduate, then find a job, have a few relationships, get married, then have children, take care of the family, then…, there are many more “after that”.

There are still times when I stand behind that safe shell, secretly looking out at life outside where people are free to do whatever they want and then secretly feeling jealous. Sometimes I feel like I am just a pale color in the background of the brilliant colors of the picture that others draw. Watching time pass by every minute and every second, I still don't know what I am and want to pursue. I haven't found the courage, still wasting what I have, sometimes I just want to hold the hand of the god Time, asking for a moment to stop and practice alone before really facing it. Day passes and night comes, nothing really changes.

I went to many people, complained, and told them. Everyone advised me to calm down, advised me to rush out and experience things, and as usual, reminded me that I was still young.

I am young.

The day I decided to go to school far away, my parents finally nodded in agreement, the first time I traveled by bus, looking at the scenery outside the window constantly changing, my hometown was behind and the distance was getting farther and farther, I cried because I missed home, worried and scared. I realized that I was completely responsible for this decision when I refused to study near home to pursue such a far distance just because of a vague love.

But fortunately, I have never regretted it. I always feel that this trade-off is worth it, there are many types of experiences that you will never know if you don't try them. Just through this very big decision, I have experienced the distinct differences in regional cultures, met people I only read about in books, traveled to places I only heard about or watched on TV. From such a great distance, I have known the feeling of sitting on a train for two days straight along the North-South railway line or experienced flying, known what it is like to miss home so much, to crave for hometown food. I used to think that if I just stayed close to home, I didn't know when I would be able to do these things.

Then I joined some activities, tried my hand at some fields, took many opportunities, and I also had to take responsibility for all of these things. I was scolded a lot, but in return I was also encouraged a lot. I knew what pressure was, what real shame was. I interacted with many people, worked with many different types of personalities, and built a few relationships. Of course, not everyone's youth followed the standards of novels, and the same was true for me. I didn't have much experience, wasn't good at speaking, and often messed things up. Some people were shy and didn't want to talk, some spoke directly, and some laughed behind my back. If it were me in the past, I would have been very worried, but now it's okay, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and luckily I can try, to know that I'm wrong.

People often ask, why do you make crazy choices, why do you want to do so many things? Well, maybe it's because you're young.

I'm still young, before I get old. I will do whatever I want, no matter right or wrong even though I know there will be times when I regret it.

Thank you for giving me the courage to do things I never thought I could do. Thank you for helping me grow up, pulling me out of the shell of old ideas. Thank you for helping me experience the most interesting things. Thank you for giving me faith in the future.

You can visit Hanoi's Youth many times but the youth of your life only comes to you once, once only.