Many young people feel "inferior" because they cannot "bring money home to their mothers" during Tet.

After a year full of upheavals, for parents, not money or anything luxurious, but the return of their children, seeing them healthy and safe is the greatest gift during the family reunion Tet holiday.

Attending the discussion "Tet connects and brings love to the family", Associate Professor, Dr. Tran Thu Huong - Lecturer of the Faculty of Psychology, University of Social Sciences and Humanities, VNU Hanoi and Dr. Tran Thu Huong - Lecturer of the Faculty of Psychology, University of Social Sciences and Humanities shared to help everyone, especially young people, have a warm and happy Tet with their loved ones, even in the situation of being far from home and unable to return home to celebrate Tet; at the same time, answering the concerns and worries of young people - those who have problems in their relationships with their loved ones, thereby helping them understand and connect more with their families.

Worrying about not being able to "bring money home to parents"

At the discussion, a young person expressed his concern: "In recent days, "Bring money home for mom" is a song that many people are interested in; and the message of the song is also approved by many opinions. However, the Covid-19 pandemic has caused work and life to stagnate, which has made many young people, including me, unable to "bring money home for mom". This makes me feel extremely guilty and I don't know how to overcome it."

Faced with this story, Dr. Tran Thu Huong expressed that the concerns that this young person is carrying are also the common concerns of many young people. The pandemic has affected all aspects of life, and at the same time caused negative impacts on many different subjects. According to Dr. Thu Huong, research shows that the subjects most affected during the epidemic are children and adolescents, especially minors and adults, those between the ages of 18 and 25.

In many localities, the epidemic is still very complicated. Meanwhile, in just a short time, the new year will come. For all Vietnamese people, Tet is the most important and meaningful holiday of the year. Tet is typically a day of reunion, so during the days of Tet, spring comes, people often put aside work, return home, and sit together at the family dinner table.

During the family reunion meal, everyone will ask each other about the past year, to see together the advantages and disadvantages that have occurred. "I am sure that the family reunion meal on Tet will revolve around thoughtful, warm questions, with very few cases where people distinguish between high and low, high and low, or rich and poor" - Dr. Thu Huong said.

Therefore, according to the Doctor, on the days before Tet, young people should not be too worried about "what to bring home for their parents" and develop negative emotions when the things brought home are not as expected. Accordingly, after a year full of changes, for parents, not money or anything luxurious, but the return of their children, seeing them healthy and safe is the greatest gift during the Tet reunion.

Also at the discussion, another young person expressed his sadness at not being able to return home to celebrate the New Year with his parents.

According to Associate Professor Dr. Tran Thu Huong, Tet is an occasion for reunion and bonding, but for some people, this seemingly normal thing has become an unattainable dream, especially in the current complicated pandemic context. However, in reality, there are also people who, even before the pandemic hit, did not have many opportunities to return home for Tet, especially for those studying and working abroad.

Based on her personal experience, Associate Professor Dr. Tran Thu Huong expressed her sadness for young people who cannot return home to their families during this important holiday. However, according to the Associate Professor, we need to accept the reality and find ways to overcome it.

"Being away from family during Tet is something no one wants. However, if our hearts are always with our family and we keep the image of our loved ones in our minds, then even though we are geographically far apart, the distance between our family and us is still extremely close.

To make Tet away from home more meaningful, we can create exchanges, for example, waiting for the right moment of New Year's Eve to call to congratulate and ask about our parents and relatives. I believe this will create emotional moments.

Geographical distance is not important, what is important is the feelings that people have for each other. The core thing that helps us overcome geographical distance is love, the love that we put on others as well as ourselves must be great".

According to Associate Professor Dr. Tran Thu Huong, whether Tet is near or far, an important thing to "show gratitude" to parents during Tet is gratitude. "It sounds dogmatic, but gratitude is always necessary. We are grateful for the nurturing and birth of our parents who gave us the life and person we are today. There is no need for anything fancy, a gift showing gratitude can come from the simplest acts of care, questions... ".

According to Dr. Tran Thu Huong, the safety of children is the most meaningful gift for parents during the Lunar New Year. (Screenshot)

Become a "spiritual leader" for your parents

In addition to the confidences and concerns of young people before the New Year, the discussion also recorded the concerns of young people about resolving conflicts with their parents, thereby increasing and strengthening the emotional bond between family members.

"My mother gets angry easily and often scolds me for no reason; therefore, my mother and I often quarrel. After each quarrel, we don't say a word to each other and a short time later, we act as if nothing happened. Honestly, I'm very sad because this problem happens so often. I also understand that my mother has her own suffering, but when she gets angry and scolds me, I can't control myself and feel hurt. So, what should I do so that we can understand each other more?"

That is the story of a young person confided at the talk show "Tet brings love to the family". Faced with this problem, Associate Professor, Dr. Tran Thu Huong said that your question is also a concern that many people have. Because in reality, being children of our parents does not mean that we understand each other completely and conflicts do not occur.

According to the Associate Professor, the fact that fathers and mothers resort to beating and scolding when conflicts arise with their children can be understood as a deadlock of the parents. Due to pent-up emotions that cannot be resolved properly, they release them through words (scolding) or actions (beating).

"The question that young people ask is how to understand their parents. However, to answer this question, we must first answer another question, which is: "I know that my father or mother has their own suffering, but in reality, do I really sympathize with that suffering?"

And in the case of the young man above, from a certain perspective, it is clear that the child still does not sympathize with the suffering of the mother, because if there was true sympathy, there would not be actions or stories where the mother and child conflict with each other.

In addition, we also need to consider the case where the children are not at fault but the parents still find a way to cause arguments and conflicts. At that time, the children need to find out where the mother's pain comes from. Besides the relationship between parents and children, another relationship that needs to be "put on the scale" is the story between father and mother. There are many couples who, when they have problems that cannot be resolved, unintentionally turn their children into a place to vent their anger.

In this case, I think parents need to see a psychologist to be able to see their own problems and understand that they should not take their anger out on their children.

Besides the "movement" of the parents, the child also needs to change, perhaps by being open, listening to the parents more, subtly recognizing if there are any conflicts between the two, and becoming the "spiritual leader" of the parents.

Dr. Tran Thu Huong also agrees with this point of view. According to the Doctor, the empathy that children have for their parents plays an important role in resolving conflicts. When parents have conflicts and "vent their anger" on their children, it means that the parents want their children to become referees. To do well in this "referee" role, children need to be objective, patiently listen, and most importantly, not judge or evaluate.

"The older we get, the more we have to take on the responsibility of supporting our parents if conflicts arise. Only when parents are stable can the relationship with their children be truly stable, and arguments can be minimized. However, to do this, we need to learn and persevere for a long time," the doctor emphasized.

Regarding Tet and the relationship between family members, a young person wondered: "It's been more than a month since I've been home. Tet is coming, I want to bring my parents something to make the family warm. However, I'm someone who rarely shows love or gratitude to my parents. Therefore, I want to learn how to face and overcome fear to be able to express love to my relatives."

In response to this question, Dr. Thu Huong said that in communication, we do not always have to speak out. And we do not always have to answer when people ask questions. If in cases where sayings like "I love you, Dad" or "I love you, Mom" ​​are too difficult to express, young people can express their feelings non-verbally, through actions such as hugs, hand touches or eye contact. However, no matter how you express your feelings, you need to let everything happen naturally.

From another perspective, Associate Professor, Dr. Tran Thu Huong said that the shyness when expressing emotions may be because we have never experienced it since childhood, or it has been too long since we have experienced it, and when we do it again, we feel shy. Therefore, sometimes parents have to find ways to express their feelings to their children so that they can experience and express those feelings to others. If we feel shy the first time, we need to accept it and learn to get used to it. By the second time, we will gradually get used to it, and then by the next times, everyone will accept that sincere feeling and consider it an indispensable way to express love.

According to Dan Tri