Many young people feel "inadequate" because they can't "bring money home to their mothers" for Tet (Lunar New Year).

After a year full of upheaval, for parents, it's not money or anything extravagant, but the return of their children, seeing them healthy and safe, that is the greatest gift during the Lunar New Year reunion.

Attending the seminar "Tet: Bringing Love Back to Family," Assoc. Prof. Dr. Tran Thu Huong - Lecturer in Psychology, Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, Vietnam National University, Hanoi, and Dr. Tran Thu Huong - Lecturer in Psychology, Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, shared insights to help people, especially young people, have a warm and happy Tet holiday with their loved ones, even when far from home and unable to return for Tet; they also addressed the concerns and anxieties of young people who are experiencing problems in their relationships with family members, thereby helping them to better understand and connect with their families.

Troubled by the inability to "bring money home to my parents"

During the discussion, a young person expressed their concern: "Recently, 'Bringing Money Home to Mom' has been a song that has garnered much attention; and its message has received much approval. However, the Covid-19 pandemic has brought work and life to a standstill, preventing many young people, including myself, from 'bringing money home to our mothers.' This makes me feel incredibly guilty and I don't know how to overcome it."

Responding to this sentiment, Dr. Tran Thu Huong expressed that the concerns of this young person are also shared by many young people. The pandemic has affected all aspects of life and had a negative impact on many different groups. According to Dr. Thu Huong, research shows that the group most affected during the pandemic is children and teenagers, especially adolescents and adults aged 18 to 25.

In many localities, the pandemic situation remains extremely complex. Meanwhile, the New Year is just around the corner. For all Vietnamese people, Tet Nguyen Dan (Lunar New Year) is the most important and meaningful holiday of the year. Tet is a time for family reunion; therefore, during the Tet holiday, people usually put aside their work and return home to gather around the dinner table with their families.

During the family reunion meal, everyone will ask each other about the past year, reflecting on both the successes and difficulties that have occurred. "I am certain that the Tet reunion meal will revolve around caring and warm questions, with very few instances of people distinguishing between social status, wealth, or status," said Dr. Thu Huong.

Therefore, according to the Doctor, in the days leading up to Tet, young people should not worry too much about "what to bring home for their parents" and develop negative feelings when the things they bring home for their family are not as expected. Accordingly, after a year full of changes, for parents, it is not money or anything extravagant, but the return of their children, seeing them healthy and safe, that is the greatest gift during Tet reunion.

Also at the seminar, another young person expressed sadness at not being able to return home and celebrate the New Year with their parents.

According to Associate Professor Tran Thu Huong, Tet (Lunar New Year) is a time for family reunions and bonding, but for some, this seemingly ordinary occasion has become an unattainable dream, especially in the current complex pandemic situation. However, in reality, there are also people who, even before the pandemic hit, did not have many opportunities to return home for Tet, especially those who studied or worked abroad.

Based on her personal experience, Associate Professor Tran Thu Huong expressed her sadness for young people who cannot return to their families during this important holiday. However, according to the Associate Professor, we need to accept the reality and find ways to overcome it.

"Being away from family during the Lunar New Year is something no one wants. However, if our hearts are always with our family, keeping the image of our loved ones in our thoughts, then even if we are geographically separated, the distance between family and us remains incredibly close."

To make Tet (Lunar New Year) away from home more meaningful, we can create opportunities for interaction, for example, waiting until the exact moment of midnight to call and wish our parents and relatives a happy new year. I believe this will create touching moments.

Geographical distance doesn't matter; what matters is the feelings people have for each other. The core element that helps us overcome geographical distance is the love and compassion we have for others, as well as for ourselves.

According to Associate Professor Tran Thu Huong, whether celebrating Tet near or far, one important way to show gratitude to parents during Tet is through appreciation. "It may sound dogmatic, but gratitude is always essential. We are grateful for the nurturing and upbringing our parents have given us the life and the people we are today. It doesn't need to be extravagant; the gift of gratitude can stem from simple acts of care, simple inquiries, and so on."

According to Dr. Tran Thu Huong, the well-being of children is the most meaningful gift for parents during the Lunar New Year. (Screenshot)

Become a "spiritual leader" for your parents.

Besides sharing the thoughts and concerns of young people on the eve of the new year, the discussion also noted the anxieties of young people about resolving conflicts with their parents, thereby strengthening and bonding the emotional relationships between family members.

"My mother is very quick-tempered and often scolds me for no reason; therefore, we argue a lot. After each argument, neither of us speaks to the other, and a short time later, we act as if nothing happened. Honestly, I'm very sad because this has happened so often. I understand that my mother has her own struggles, but when she gets angry and scolds me, I can't control myself and feel hurt. So, what should I do to help us understand each other better?"

This is the story shared by a young person at the seminar "Tet: Bringing Love Back to Family." Addressing this issue, Associate Professor Dr. Tran Thu Huong stated that the young person's question reflects a common concern. In reality, being children of parents doesn't automatically mean complete understanding and that conflicts won't occur.

According to the Associate Professor, parents resorting to physical punishment or scolding when conflicts arise with their children can be understood as a sign of parental frustration. Because of pent-up emotions and the inability to find a legitimate solution, they release their frustration through words (scolding) or actions (corporal punishment).

"The question young people ask is how to understand their parents. However, to answer this question, we first need to answer another question: 'I know my father or mother has their own struggles, but in reality, have I truly empathized with those struggles?'"

And in the case of the young person mentioned above, from a certain perspective, it's clear that the child still lacks empathy for the mother's suffering, because if they truly empathized, there wouldn't be these actions or stories of conflict between mother and child.

Furthermore, we also need to consider cases where children are not at fault, but parents still try to instigate arguments and conflicts. In such cases, children need to understand where their mother's pain stems from. Besides the parent-child relationship, another relationship that needs to be considered is that between the parents themselves. Many couples, when facing unresolved issues, unintentionally turn their children into scapegoats for their anger.

In this case, I believe that parents need to seek the help of a psychologist to understand their own problems and realize that they shouldn't vent their anger on their children.

Besides parental intervention, the child also needs to change, perhaps by being more open, listening more to their parents, subtly recognizing any conflicts between them, and becoming a "spiritual leader" for their parents.

Dr. Tran Thu Huong also agrees with this viewpoint. According to her, the empathy that children show towards their parents plays a crucial role in resolving conflicts. When parents have conflicts and then "vent their anger" on their children, it means that parents want their children to act as mediators. To perform this "mediator" role well, children need to be objective, patient listeners, and most importantly, they should not judge or evaluate.

"As we mature, we must take on the responsibility of supporting our parents if conflicts unfortunately arise. When parents are stable, the relationship with their children will truly be stable, minimizing arguments. However, to achieve this, we need to learn and persevere over the long term," the doctor emphasized.

Regarding the Tet holiday and the relationship between family members, one young person pondered: "It's been over a month since I last visited home. With Tet approaching, I want to bring something back for my parents to make the family feel warm. However, I rarely express my love or gratitude to my parents. Therefore, I want to learn how to confront and overcome my fears so I can express my love to my family."

In response to this question, Dr. Thu Huong stated that in communication, it's not always necessary to speak. And we don't always have to answer when someone asks a question. If phrases like "I love you, Dad" or "I love you, Mom" ​​are too difficult to express, young people can show their affection through nonverbal means, such as hugs, touches, or eye contact. However, regardless of how affection is expressed, it should always be done naturally.

From another perspective, Associate Professor Dr. Tran Thu Huong stated that shyness in expressing emotions may stem from never having experienced it before, or from a long time ago, making one feel embarrassed when doing it again. Therefore, parents sometimes need to find ways to express affection to their children so that they can experience and express those feelings to others. If it feels awkward the first time, we need to accept it and learn to get used to it. By the second time, we will gradually get used to it, and in subsequent times, people will accept that sincere affection and consider it an indispensable way of expressing love.

According to Dan Tri